Being in a relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder can sometimes be confusing and emotionally challenging. One common pattern many partners notice is that their loved ones with bipolar disorder may, at times, push them away, even during moments when they seem to need support the most. Understanding the reasons behind this behavior can provide insight into the emotional complexities faced by individuals with bipolar disorder and how partners can respond with empathy and care.
In this article, we’ll explore the psychological and emotional factors that may lead someone with bipolar disorder to push their partner away, the influence of mood swings on relationships, and strategies to maintain a supportive relationship during difficult times.
1. Understanding Bipolar Disorder: The Emotional Roller Coaster
Bipolar disorder is characterized by extreme mood swings, which can range from episodes of elevated mood and energy (mania or hypomania) to periods of deep depression. These mood swings can deeply affect a person’s perception of themselves, their relationships, and their ability to manage emotions. As a result, someone with bipolar disorder might, at times, feel overwhelmed by their emotions and distance themselves from their partner.
a. Manic Episodes: Feeling Invincible and Independent
During a manic or hypomanic episode, a person with bipolar disorder may feel euphoric, overly confident, and independent. In this heightened state, they might push their partner away because they feel invincible and believe they don’t need support or emotional connection.
Sense of independence: During mania, individuals often feel like they can handle everything on their own and may not see the need for close emotional support from their partner.
Risk-taking behavior: Mania often leads to impulsivity, risk-taking, and sometimes reckless behavior. This can cause the person to engage in activities that isolate them from their partner or strain the relationship.
b. Depressive Episodes: Overwhelmed by Guilt and Self-Loathing
In contrast, depressive episodes are marked by feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and worthlessness. During this time, the individual may feel that they are a burden to their partner or unworthy of love and affection.
Feelings of guilt: A person with bipolar disorder may feel guilty about their condition and the impact it has on the relationship, leading them to push their partner away to avoid causing further distress.
Low self-esteem: Depression often brings about intense self-criticism and a distorted view of one’s worth. They may believe that their partner would be better off without them, prompting them to distance themselves emotionally.
2. Fear of Vulnerability and Intimacy
One of the underlying reasons bipolar individuals push their partners away is a deep-seated fear of vulnerability and emotional intimacy. For someone living with bipolar disorder, allowing themselves to be vulnerable can feel risky, as they may worry about being judged, rejected, or misunderstood.
Emotional defense mechanism: To protect themselves from potential hurt, individuals with bipolar disorder might create emotional barriers, pushing their partner away to avoid getting too close. This defensive behavior is often not intentional but rather a way of coping with fear.
Past experiences: Negative past experiences in relationships, particularly during episodes of mood instability, can contribute to a fear of intimacy. They may have been hurt before and are now hesitant to fully open up to their current partner.
3. Mood Swings and Cognitive Distortions
Bipolar disorder affects not only mood but also cognition and perception. During both manic and depressive episodes, cognitive distortions—irrational and exaggerated thoughts—can cloud a person’s judgment, causing them to misinterpret situations and push their partner away.
Paranoia or distrust: During a manic episode, individuals might experience paranoia or heightened irritability, making them question their partner’s intentions or loyalty. This can lead to conflict and emotional distancing.
Black-and-white thinking: Cognitive distortions like “all-or-nothing” thinking may cause the person to view the relationship in extreme terms—seeing their partner as either perfect or deeply flawed. During depressive episodes, they may believe their partner no longer loves or understands them, even if this is not the case.
4. The Pressure of Maintaining a Relationship
Relationships, even in the absence of mental health challenges, require effort, communication, and emotional investment. For someone with bipolar disorder, managing the ups and downs of their mood disorder alongside the demands of a relationship can feel overwhelming.
Fear of being a burden: A person with bipolar disorder may fear that their mood swings or episodes place too much stress on their partner. To relieve this perceived burden, they may withdraw or push their partner away, thinking they are doing what’s best for the relationship.
Self-protection: In some cases, individuals with bipolar disorder might push their partners away in anticipation of rejection or abandonment. They may believe that distancing themselves first will prevent future heartbreak if their partner decides to leave due to the challenges of the disorder.
5. The Impact of Stigma and Misunderstanding
Living with bipolar disorder often comes with a sense of stigma, both from society and within personal relationships. The fear of being misunderstood, judged, or rejected can cause someone with bipolar disorder to push their partner away.
Stigma and shame: Individuals with bipolar disorder may feel ashamed of their condition, leading them to withdraw from their partner to avoid confronting feelings of inadequacy or perceived judgment.
Fear of judgment: They may worry that their partner doesn’t truly understand the extent of their struggles or might eventually grow tired of dealing with their mood swings, causing them to push away in an effort to protect themselves emotionally.
6. The Role of Stress and Overstimulation
Stress is a common trigger for mood episodes in people with bipolar disorder. When faced with relationship conflicts, life stressors, or emotional challenges, they may experience heightened anxiety, leading them to pull back from their partner.
Overstimulation: During manic episodes, individuals might feel overwhelmed by external stimuli, including emotional interactions with their partner. As a result, they may distance themselves to avoid feeling overstimulated or agitated.
Relationship stress: Conflict or unresolved issues within the relationship can exacerbate mood swings, pushing the person with bipolar disorder into a state where they feel the need to retreat emotionally.
7. How Partners Can Respond: Building a Supportive Relationship
Understanding why a person with bipolar disorder might push their partner away is an important first step in navigating the relationship. As a partner, it’s crucial to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and open communication.
a. Encourage Open Dialogue
Communication is key in any relationship, but it becomes even more critical when bipolar disorder is involved. Encourage your partner to share their feelings, concerns, and triggers openly with you.
Listen without judgment: Create a safe space for your partner to express their emotions without fear of being judged or criticized.
Be patient: Mood swings may cause your partner to say or do things they don’t truly mean. Be patient, and try to understand that their behavior is influenced by their disorder, not their feelings toward you.
b. Maintain Emotional Boundaries
While it’s important to be supportive, you also need to maintain your own emotional well-being. Set healthy boundaries to protect yourself from burnout and ensure that the relationship remains balanced.
Take care of yourself: Engage in self-care practices and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you navigate the emotional challenges of the relationship.
Set boundaries: Let your partner know that while you are there to support them, you also need to prioritize your own mental health.
c. Encourage Professional Help
Bipolar disorder requires professional treatment, often involving medication and therapy. Encourage your partner to seek help from a mental health professional if they are not already in treatment.
Support their treatment plan: Encourage them to stay consistent with their medication and therapy, and be there for them during difficult times.
Attend therapy together: Couples therapy can help you both navigate the complexities of the relationship and improve communication.
See Also: 10 Best Ways to Deal with a Girlfriend with Bipolar Disorder
Conclusion
It’s not uncommon for individuals with bipolar disorder to push their partners away, especially during times of emotional distress or instability. Understanding the reasons behind this behavior—whether it’s a result of mood swings, fear of vulnerability, or feelings of guilt—can help you respond with empathy and patience. By maintaining open communication, setting healthy boundaries, and encouraging professional help, you can build a supportive and understanding relationship with your partner despite the challenges posed by bipolar disorder.
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